It is a way to recognize one's own limits and begin the process of individual self-identification.
There is a stage in child development where children learn to say no and, to any question, they will say no naturally, as an impulse. It is a way to recognize one's own limits and begin the process of individual self-identification.
Chances are that one of the adults around them will start telling them phrases like "that's not polite", "say yes and say thank you". "Say yes and say thank you" is a subtle form of violence that we then self-inflict on ourselves throughout our lives, with terrible consequences. Let's talk honestly, how many times have you wanted to say no and instead of doing so you have said yes and even said thank you?
Every time we do this, we do a kind of violence to ourselves. There is nothing worse than annihilating the inner voice in us in the name of good manners.
Of course, I am not advocating in favor of saying everything that comes into our heads, for without the meditative mind, heads are extremely judgmental, loud, noisy, outrageous, with little sense of direction. However, I am talking about something else, a deep sense of identity that we often sacrifice for the sake of the norm or belonging.
Bert Hellinger, my teacher of Family Constellations, used to say that in belonging there is always the pain of the soul of not being able to recognize itself as individual, unique and unrepeatable. However, daring to tell the truth of who we are, also involves a degree of pain, courage and courage. Hellinger even said that, in order to dare to live fully the call of our soul, we had to be able to bear a certain level of guilt for breaking with the canons imposed by our social and family context.
A small level of guilt you will always have to be able to tolerate if you want to live according to the call of your own soul, which as I say above is unique and unrepeatable.
It is the natural guilt of one who decides to leave the herd to define his or her own primal path. However, the guilt of being who we are is much more tolerable than the pain of mutilating the voice of the heart. The pain of subduing the passion that drives us in favor of belonging.
Seeking to be accepted or always loved conditions us greatly. It requires courage, and often an enormous degree of discomfort and renunciation.
However, this journey of life, which in the end is so short, it is worthwhile to dare to live it from the fullness of coherence with our own calling, with the singular sound of our own soul. To make peace with ourselves, to recognize ourselves better, to accept our limitations and virtues, to know what I am passionate about and what moves me, to live according to the rhythm of who I am, often implies knowing how to say no. To seek to be accepted or always loved, to be accepted or always loved.
You can start like a child, saying no to everything, almost like a game, or do the opposite, start with one no at a time until you understand that behind the no, there is a deep, resounding and the opposite, start with one no at a time until you understand that behind the no, what there is is a deep, resounding and committed yes to being who you are.
Sat Nam